I once wrestled a rhino in flip flops
Pinned him with a full-nelson

I’ve memorized Appetite for Destruction
And the Sermon on the Mount

I advise not sleeping with a bed wetter
In an ankle bracelet

I have catfish whiskers
And a fake ponytail

I can eat corn on the cob
While riding a unicycle

Old Mexico or New Mexico
It’s all Mexico to me

I make stellar cigarette-butt shortcake
And lavender’s my favorite color

I’ve taught tap dancing in a canoe
While singing “swamp-monster boogie”

I like strip club dustups
And chocolate-dipped cones

The tabasco remedy
Cured my Surf City skin rash

Penetration and propagation?
I’m Underwhelmed and overvalued

I’ve an extreme dislike of poodles
And once loaned Buffalo Bill my sitar

If I had had the had when I had it
I’d be moon walking the solar system now

I wonder what it’s like to weld pipe
Inside the holy of holies

My one good eye ain’t so good
Stick a corkscrew in it, see what comes out

The Doctor says I’m addicted to everything
But I’m getting a second opinion